Lensless glasses
A nice pair of frames might make you look smart, until someone gets close enough to see you forgot your lenses at home. Glasses can be a stylish alternative to contacts, but wearing them when you don’t need them is impractical, silly and just a tiny bit pretentious.

Shirts with built-in ties

Remember that guy in high school who showed up to all the dances wearing that lame T-shirt with a tuxedo print on the front? When you wear a shirt with a built in tie, you’re that guy. Don’t be that guy. Instead, try a dress shirt with a nice pair of jeans; that way you’re achieving the business-casual look without giving the impression that you have a jumbo shoelace stuck to your collar.

Jean shorts

Wearing these puts you at risk of looking like you either just stepped off the playground or accidentally shrunk your pants in the dryer; either way it’s not good. You can avoid this fashion oops and still stay cool in the summer heat by opting for a pair of cargo shorts instead.

Mullets

Business up front, party in the back, embarrassing all over. You can wear your hair long or short, but don’t try to have it both ways. If you just looked in the mirror and found that you’re rocking one of these dastardly dos, kick off the summer by paying a visit to your barber.

Fake tans

Unless you’re a traffic cone, there’s no reason to spray on orange-tinted “bronzer” this summer. Not only is it obviously fake, but it may make friends reluctant to let you sit on their furniture, lest you leave it looking like someone smashed Cheetos on the cushions. Central Oregon sunshine is enough to give you a healthy glow, even if when you wear sunscreen, so there’s no reason to go radioactive with fake tanning.

Cedar Goslin

The Broadside

(contact: [email protected])

Fake tans Unless you’re a traffic cone, there’s no reason to spray on orange-tinted “bronzer” this summer. Not only is it obviously fake, but it may make friends reluctant to let you sit on their furniture, lest you leave it looking like someone smashed Cheetos on the cushions. Central Oregon sunshine is enough to give you a healthy glow, even if when you wear sunscreen, so there’s no reason to go radioactive with fake tanning.