Don Iler
The Broadside
The world is coming to an end. I am certain of it. Last weekend, Bend played host to a biblical prophecy conference led by Tim LaHaye, author of the popular “Left Behind” series, where attendees were told the end times are near, and to start preparing.
The eruption at Eyjafjallajokull, has covered most of western Europe in ash, and every week there seems to be a new earthquake devastating another part of the world. Add that with wars on most continents, and with all of us controlled by the United Nations and with the state of Israel established since 1948, the end is very obviously near if we are to believe these loons.
I don’t understand their obsession with the end of the world. And I’m not quite sure how they can actually interpret the incoherent nonsense that some dehydrated man in the desert scribbled down 2,000 years ago. The book of Revelation is heavy on symbols, light on explanation and a heck of a lot harder to read or get through than even all those boring chapters in the Old Testament about who begot who. Therefore, I just can’t believe it.
The only meaning I can get out of Eyjafjallajokull exploding is that volcanoes continue to be cool, Vikings are cool and someone should be writing a saga involving volcanoes, valkyries, Icelandic bank failures and Bjork. It could be the seminal work of literature of our time, commenting not only on the recession but on the futility of human struggle in relation to nature.
But even if the end is near, I think I am alright with it, because I know how the world is really going to end. The end of the world is going to be in fall, and will coincide with my beloved Chicago Cubs finally winning the World Series. Once the Cubs win game seven, a reincarnated Harry Carry will rise out of the ivy covering the brick wall in the outfield and will lead the seven horsemen charging across Wrigley Field. There will be much gnashing of teeth, and the world will end and I will die happy knowing the Cubs finally won.
Whether the end will come with fire or ice, I don’t know. But I do know it will be caused by the Cubs winning the world series, there really is no other way for it to happen.
You may contact Don Iler at diler@cocc.edu
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I’m sorry but this article was not interesting AT ALL. The end, REALLY sucked. All of the nonesense about the cubs, not funny. This article looked like one that was written 5 minutes before deadline. I know that the writers are payed for their articles and it frustrates me that money was wasted on this, when it could be going to so many better things. I’m all for paying your writers, don’t get me wrong, but only if its a well written, interesting article. The picture too. There were some AMAZING pictures from that volcano. Why do we have to look like a 5 second sketch? with “VOLCANO” and “LAVA” written to make sure we can tell what it is we’re looking at. At the very least, hire someone from the art department!